He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
