My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
