Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
