While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
