oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
