That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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