Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
