I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I pour the whiskey from now on
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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