omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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