i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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