I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
