Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
