I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
