i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
