omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
