So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
