I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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