The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
