they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
