Even the bartender felt bad for me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
