Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
