I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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