Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
