weddingsv make me drug and hornr
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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