Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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