Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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