my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
