If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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