'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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