DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Actions speak louder than pants.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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