pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
