i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
