I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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