Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
