I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
