Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
