I wanna bring you to show and tell
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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