omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
