there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
not ubering you a puppy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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