peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
