well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
