you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
