That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
