I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
