Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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