Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
