That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
