How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
