Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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