I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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