He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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