my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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