I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
